Procrastination the wild fuck beast
I have something to say but I haven’t updated this site in about 3 years, so this will be like talking to a stadium lined with empty chairs. My hope is that several years from now somebody will hear the residual echo and not repeat my mistake.
You see every day at a certain time I am brimming with ideas and I sit at a desk equipped with the tools to implement my vision, but nothing happens. Actually there is something that happens, I rationalize my way out of every project I start. I’ll say that it isn’t funny or provoking, that the time isn’t right, that this isn’t THE big thing that I want to be my debut. In the worst case scenario I simply got distracted by a game or fell into the internet rabbit hole, eventually rationalizing that I’d start my project tomorrow instead, or next week, or next month. Every January I always say that this will be the year that I get my shit together and do the stuff I want to do while also supporting myself financially and finally find that balance.
This is a cycle I’ve practiced for a decade. To give you an example of my issue I’ve been procrastinating posting an entry about procrastination and my situation for about 2 years. This moment right here is THE last fucking time I’m saying that I’m starting tomorrow.
I am an oncoming volcanic reaction about to erupt. I am pent up. I am constipated to the brim with shattered glass. I am a shipwreck of lost potential and unused ideas waiting to wash ashore. I am fueled by all of the deflated dreams and failed efforts of a twenty seven year old doing nothing with his life but waiting for his time to blow up. What I’ve realized is that there is no magical moment or opening. The time to do what you want to do is immediate in its urgency, you cannot hesitate any longer, react at the speed of your own thoughts, because you will die tomorrow if you wait any longer, and you will have left nothing behind but a husk for maggots to eat.
This is my motivator.